Walkin’ and Talkin’… Free Therapy

I was working out yesterday with my girlfriend. We do our sessions together with my daughter a few times a week. One thing about seeing a personal trainer, it keeps you accountable. Now this particular friend is a working fiend. She loves her job and she is good at it. Having set times to lift weights means it’s in her schedule. As we left towards our cars I said I was going to go for a long walk that afternoon. She told me she had to go to the office and get a few things done but she would like to join me. When me and my besties get together it is this friend who is working that we get to set the agenda for our get together. I’m an impromptu gal and sista 3 is a social butterfly but always makes time for us. Our get togethers are epic on the laugh meter. And so it was that Rhonda was outside my house to pick me up and we made our way to the river.

I am incredibly fortunate to live where I live. It is like a small town where everyone knows each other but it is plunked down in the middle of a city that has over 1.6 million people. My community is surrounded on four sides by major roadways and so the community can never expand past those boundaries. Just a short walk from my house and I am by the Bow River. Calgary has some major green spaces where there is an abundance of wildlife and the many parks are protected against development. My favourite long walk is heading south along the river, a major highway to my left but soon you are weaving in and out of a wooded area. You almost forget you are in a city. The pathways in this city are amazing. Anywhere you want to go, there is most likely a paved path that will take you there.

Rhonda has limited time so we decide to park on the south side of the zoo. There are a couple of islands in the middle of the river and the zoo is on one of them. This parking lot is usually less crowded and we aren’t disappointed. The park on the west side of the island has been revamped since my childhood. I remember walking here with my Grandmother back when there was an ice cream stand. This is where I rode my bike when commuting to work in the downtown core. As we head out on our urban hike I think about my friend and how different our lives are. This island has been a part of my life since I was ten years old and she has never been here. She loves to walk but she lives on an acreage outside of a small town so her walks are different than mine. Hers are rural and mine are urban. It is our surroundings that influence us. Rhonda tells me her kids say she has become a city girl. I laugh. Nothing could be further from the truth. She loves the city but she loves living in the country too. Maureen, our third, is the ultimate city girl. The bond is tight with my girls and our differences make us so much more accepting of the world because we have learned to accept each other. Warts and all.

Walking with a bestie on this beautiful fall day is so good for the soul. As we walk and talk, we barely notice the people jogging or biking as we focus on us. We marvel at the nature around us and take deep breaths of beautiful smells. That wet leaves, damp earth smell that reminds us winter is coming. The crispness we will see in a week or two isn’t here yet and we are grateful that we are sweating on this late October day. As we walk I tell her about the police helicopter I saw the day before along with the twenty or so police on foot along the river. Someone running from the police is a little more likely here in my oasis than in hers. Or swimming as was the case. Oh the fool. A little excitement in my day yet not even news worthy as the local news channels said nothing. As my daughters friend, a city cop says, very little about what happens in the city actually makes the news. I never really thought about it. But then again I rarely ponder the wonders of how the utilities I take for granted every day actually make their way to my home. Systems are in place. I am grateful.

Soon we come to an overpass. The sounds of traffic are louder here as we emerge from the mini forest. We could walk for miles and miles but we need some lunch. As we cross over the river to the other side we decide to forego the path by the other side of the river and make our way into Inglewood. Eventually becoming a little run down as the city grew and people moved farther away from the downtown area. I wanted to live there but my husband wasn’t keen as it was a pretty popular strip for the local prostitutes. He thought we should wait until it cleaned up a bit but I knew then we wouldn’t be able to afford it. I was right. Rhonda commented on the lack of architectural conformity but that’s what happens in old areas. They change. Some things just get repurposed, like the small coffee shop we stopped at right at the edge of the community. Vegetarian samosas and avocado toast on sourdough with pickled red onion and a drizzle of honey. As we sit in the small courtyard with our faces to the sun, we talk about our kids, our friend, her job, my garden, our work outs, until finally we are silent. Just loving the peace that comes with slowing down and being in the moment. The world could end and we would be fine because for a few moments, life is perfect.

In time we bring our dishes back inside and continue on our journey. We step off of the main drag and meander through the streets with their hodge podge homes and gardens. The front gardens with an abundance of black kale which I just want to steal. Black kale pesto is the absolute best. We pass through another green space which leads us back to the pathway and the south side of the river. We chatter away about nothing and everything just taking in the world. I try to see this space through my friends eyes and I am feeling such joy. I have walked this way so many times alone, and sometimes with my niece when she lived in this oasis. Sometimes I walk with purpose, I have somewhere I need to be but I need the exercise. Or I have my earphones in as I listen to music. That feeds my emotions as I distance myself from my surroundings. Today I feel grateful just because my girl is enjoying our walk so much. Just her very presence at this time has me seeing my life, my blessings, even my attitude in a new way.

Once again our walk leads us to the bridge and the traffic as we make our way over the river again. But even that is beautiful. The mix of hustle and bustle as rush hour builds and people take short cuts through the island. But everyone knows so… The lineups are crazy. We are walking faster than the cars and a part of me feels smug. We are loving this and they can’t see all of the beauty around them. But as we turn into the parking lot I laugh to myself because in about two minutes we are going to be in the car and merging into this traffic as we head back to my house. The difference is that we are still high off of the walk. The air or the Zen vibes or even the calm that comes with close friends is still making us chill and we keep chatting as if the cars around us aren’t there. As we pull up in front of my house I am sad to see my friend leave. We have a hug and promise to call soon and I walk up the front walk. Her peace is in me. Her love still surrounds me. Wow. How beautiful is that.

I used to pay a lot of money to people to help me figure out my problems. Five times in my life I have gone for therapy. Once was with my daughter and it didn’t last long. The first time took forever because I had no idea what was wrong. I just knew something was. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot from those sessions. But It was purely academic. Because those therapists weren’t emotionally involved. Their investment in my life was textbook. Perhaps it is age that helps me see things differently. Or it may be the fact that now I have had too many people die. It changes you. Or maybe I understand myself better now. The fact is, I have come to learn what makes me happy. What makes my soul sing. I no longer dwell on “what might have been”. I move past that which I cannot control. I look for peace and joy. I find if I can’t forgive someone for the past I remind myself that their lives also have pain Perhaps even more than I could ever feel. I am not a hedonist. Nor do I have that fear of missing out. I have had an amazing life. So many beautiful memories and all just by stumbling along. Life happened to me. I made choices but for the most part I accepted what came. Anger and sadness were a by product of not being what others wanted. Not doing what someone else expected. People speak of boundaries, which are healthy. Ultimatums are a slippery slope to depression and anger. They are about control. Wisdom comes with age they say. Or perhaps we now understand that if we live for others we will never be true to ourselves. We will always be stifled or looking over our shoulder. Some people may walk away when we chose personal power but the pain of constant judgment will destroy our soul. We may not like how others live but it is their lives. Their choice. I learned a long time ago that acceptance is the greatest gift. Walking with my friend was just another day of acceptance. When I said I was going to plant crocus bulbs in my front lawn she smile and said “Sounds like a Cindy thing.” That my friends is love.