Devils Advocate

We all know these people. The ones who oppose something you believe in just because. Many times it is done just to create conflict or to cause a debate. Now I am not talking about people who truly don’t agree with your point of view. That is a whole other matter. A devils advocate choses the opposing argument for the sake of argument. Why is this do you think?

Five hundred years ago the Catholic had a part in creating not just a position but also the name of such a person. When a “good” catholic dies they can be nominated so to speak for sainthood. This is referred to as Canonization. Now the Pope, head “good” guy, is the one to make this decision. There is a whole history to the process but that’s unimportant for the purposes of this discussion. Besides, I am not catholic so Saints aren’t my thing. Anyways, before someone can become a Saint there needs to be evidence of their acts. People have to put forth testimony as to why the individual should be allowed into the club. Keep in mind, these are all dead people that are chosen. Perhaps because if they are sainted while alive there is always a possibility they may run rogue and turn into real jerks. That’s just a theory. Anyways, way back in Pope Leo’s time, around the reformation era, things were falling apart at the seams. That Dude was an entitled guy who spent the church into near destitution. He probably wasn’t the best choice but as today, money can buy your way into lots of places you really don’t belong. 

So while there were those praising the life and deeds of the dead “nominees” for sainthood, there was someone running around trying to find evidence of their wrong doings. Falsehoods. Reasons why they should not be canonized. It was around that time there was first mention of a Devils Advocate. So while people are praising the dead guys, there was also someone who had to dig deep to find their little secrets. One was God’s advocate and the other was the Devil’s advocate. The guy looking for the dirt. Kind of like a modern day investigator. So while we have come forth 5 centuries, the name has stuck but the role or definition is somewhat changed.

My husband often played this role in our marriage. I could often become very emotional about people in my life. Of course he had to hear all about it as we all need to vent our frustrations. And frankly, his job was to listen and agree with me. Seldom did he do that. In matters of child rearing we banded together quite well. But in matters outside of that, he was the king of the Devils advocates. He was very good at pointing out why someone did what they did. To me. I must say, time and time again he did not learn that this position was never in his own personal best interests. Because the bottom line is… Choosing an opposing position or argument often cements the other persons initial feelings. Even if you truly disagree with them. But choosing it just to cause debate, makes them dig their heels in further and also has them turning on you as well. In the end, all we do is piss people off and they hate us. So why do people chose this position in life? In my husbands case I believe he truly just wanted me to think a little deeper into the issue. I am very emotional and he likely wanted me to try and be a little more pragmatic. He wasn’t trying to bully or hurt me. He was trying to have me see a situation in a more rational matter. Here is a hint though. If your wife is emotionally going off on someone… It is probably best to nod, smile and agree. 

However, there is a darker side to this type of argument. Many people use this form of communication. I commented once to my daughter I don’t like big trucks with extended cabs and long boxes. They don’t fit into urban parking spots well and while they like to back into spots, unfortunately many aren’t that good at it. Speaking as a city girl. My daughter responded with “Well some people like them.” In true fashion, I hate those trucks even more now. My other daughter once said I couldn’t hate smoking because I had been a smoker in my younger years. She said it made me a hippocrite. Now here is the difference between these two conversations. Daughter one doesn’t hate the trucks. She drives one. She pointed out her view and left it at that. The other daughter doesn’t smoke, never did, doesn’t like it and yet called me out for hating when others smoked around me. Daughter two was playing devils advocate. She showed an opposing argument just to be contrary. Both had views that didn’t line up with mine but one believed in her viewpoint. The other played devils advocate. Both had me cement my views deeper but only one made me angry and made me feel misunderstood.

The annoying people aren’t those who are just trying to get you into an argument. They like to frustrate and confuse others. Show how smart they are as they push buttons. They often don’t really have an opinion at all on the matter. They are just trying to ruffle feathers and annoy people. Just to appear as the logical and sane one in the argument. The dangerous people are those who act like they are playing Devils advocate when they truly do believe in the position they are putting forth. People with racist views or other forms of hate do this all of the time. They know their view is unpopular so they use this form of debate to read the room. I have found that with people we like, or want to continue to like, we are more apt to either avoid controversial views or accept politely that we differ. 

The bottom line is this. Playing Devil’s advocate is a habit people fall into sometimes. And I truly believe it isn’t a very good habit. It is a malicious form of communication and never leads to people agreeing or meeting in the middle. I have learned that no matter what the topic is, I need to be true to myself and my belief system. If I disagree with you, and I chose to let you know that, you can be guaranteed that I truly believe in what I am saying. I am not gas lighting. I am not trying to get under your skin. I am not poking fun just to amuse myself. I am being honest. And if you are honest as well, the conversation may have one or the other change minds. Or not. But the meeting of minds will walk away as friends, with mutual respect intact. Not a bad way to live. Honestly.