It’s Time To Follow Ben Franklin’s Example

Benjamin Franklin is a name recognizable to most of us living here in North America. He was an incredibly well rounded intellectual who dipped his finger in every endeavour imaginable. Be it publishing, politics, or science he was a force to reckoned with. He certainly wasn’t perfect, as is seen in his owning of slaves, but in time he became very involved in the abolitionist movement. But none of this is why I think of him today. Today, something happened that made me recall his list of virtues.

When Ben Franklin was a young man he sat down and created a list of rules that he felt would help him become a better person. It is referred to as his list of 13 virtues. They were actions he felt, with repetition, would create a man of high moral character. This list was for no one other than himself. They were listed by order of the importance he assigned them. Apparently he read them daily to keep himself in line and to judge whether or not he had adhered to his self imposed rules for living. It was his personal moral compass. Some I like and others aren’t what I would chose but they are the product of the time in which he lived. His list is temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness tranquility, chastity, humility. By his own admission he fell far short of his goals most of his life, however he felt he was a better man than he would have been. So there’s that.

I am not sure what I would put on a personal list of virtues but I do know in my heart I have always had personal codes of conduct that I stick to. Or at least try. For me lying is a big no no. It is something I didn’t accept from my kids but also one thing I truly feel horrible about when I do it. When others lie to me I am not so concerned with their lying. That just shows who they are. What bothers me is that they think I am so stupid that I will believe them. So that’s not on them. That is my own vanity showing. Money and possessions also cause me some grief. Having none and having more both cause issues. My parents and especially my Grandmother showed great examples of giving. I learned at a young age that everything I have was a blessing but all can be taken away quite easily. Not just money or possessions but people and health. I feel I am a steward for any money I have and while I need to live, there is always excess and should be shared. I am not one to feel remorse or guilt but when others are in need I cannot turn them away. I am not kind or nice. I am generous. And I find the more I give the more I have. It is odd.

Years ago I worked with a girl who I just couldn’t handle. She wasn’t qualified for her job as a supervisor and in the workplace I was a consultant. Brought in for takeovers or mergers. Systems needed to be merged and that was my jam. This gal was sneaky. She knew she was in over her head in her new position but rather than seek help she opted to pretend and lie. It was very obvious to everyone and she caused a lot of problems for people and the company, always blaming others and often taking credit for other peoples work. She contributed to a toxic environment. I was very dismissive towards her. One day, in front of quite a few people she brought to my attention a few of my faults. She suggested that that these were areas which I could work on. Now keep in mind I am not an employee. I bill hourly for my work and I was basically on a contract for a limited time. Now I acknowledge that she had some valid points but my reply to her was this. I have a list of things I need to work on. It is a long list. Everything she mentioned was on the list but farther down. There were dozens of things that I personally felt were more important. And so I told her that while her input was valid, I wasn’t going to get to her suggestions anytime soon as I was working on other stuff. I did however suggest that she do a little self reflection and make her own list.

When I make a to do list, I write things on it I have already done just so I can cross them off. The list then looks half done and it makes me feel good. So I think when we make a list of virtues we can’t really add the ones we already try to adhere to. I think it is important to dig deep and really look inside at who and what we are. Our lists will never be the same as other peoples. But we can use other people as guidelines. Think about the people you admire. What is it that makes you like them? Is it what they say? What they do? Or even what they have? It is okay to dream about having more money or fame or whatever else you admire. Just as important, we need to study people we don’t like. What bothers us about them? Here is where we need to be careful though. Are we just jealous? Of their possessions or popularity? Or are they just seemingly despicable people? Regardless, it is important to see an end goal for yourself. Where do you want to be at the end of your life? Who do you want to be? How do you wish to be remembered? Work backwards. What can get you there? Because this is a life long journey of self awareness. It is not about running other folks down. Their actions are theirs. Sometimes we think we are better because on the sliding scale we aren’t as bad as that other guy. But is that good enough for you? Yeah I have issues but that guy, well he is total jerk. Well take a look at the pond you’re swimming in. Is it full of assholes and you are the best of the lot? Wow. HIgh praise indeed. Did you ever think what would happen if you jumped into another pond? One with incredible people who are kind and honest and just lovely to be around? How will you look to them? And how would you look to others on the outside. Because they are comparing you to the rest of the group and frankly you’re the bottom feeder.

Maybe your motivation isn’t other peoples opinions. And that is very valid because too often people only care about what others think. For me, I think about my Grandchildren. I did the best I could with my own kids in my limited capacity as an adult. I am older now. Wiser. Or maybe just a little less obtuse. I can truly be a good influence on that next generation just like my Grandmother was on mine. Oh, she had her faults but luckily she had some good parts too. Those are the ones I chose to remember. The goodness she showed. Often in silence and secret. But if I want them to be good people I need to be a better person. So as this day moves forward I hope you can look inside and embrace all the things you love about yourself that make you the unique person you are. But I also hope you can take the time to ponder the real you and in true honesty see the part of your heart that isn’t quite what you would like it to be. We don’t need Ben Franklins list. In fact we don’t have to have a list. Just one thing that we think can make us better people. Not for others but for ourselves. We are all our biggest critics. No one can ever be as mean to us as we are to ourselves. So turn it around. I guarantee life will change if only just a bit. And it will gather speed. Like an avalanche you will see life move in a direction you never thought possible, because changing your thoughts changes you. I have learned that even as I find more peace in my life, I can just as quickly revert to past feelings and emotions. Writing a small list of ideals and keeping it visible is the best way to remind me where I want to be. As a Mom and Grandmother. But also as a member of humanity. Go ahead. Make a list. You won’t be sorry.