I’ve Never Bought A Car

Well that is a little misleading. I drive and I will hate it one day when someone decides I am a menace and my license is revoked. Oh wait, that already happened. But I got it back after a month. Apparently there are penalties for speeding. And getting caught one too many times. No what I mean is that I have never gone car shopping alone. Or picked out a car. Or made a deal on a car. I was given old cars as a teen by my Dad. I had a long time boyfriend who picked out a car for me and did everything for me. We paid half each but when we broke up, he wanted it back. Pure spite really since I was the one who ended the relationship. I signed it over. And then my Dad gave me another beater. And then I got married. From that moment on I drove whatever my hubby decided we needed.

He used to make me nuts always wanting to look at cars. He spent so much time looking even when we weren’t ready to buy anything. It was so painful. Finally, one day after looking at the 20th mini van I told him to let me know when he had decided on a van and I would come and see it. He didn’t understand my disinterest. I compared it to spending days on end at plant nurseries just wandering around even though it wasn’t even time to plant. he still didn’t get it. But why would he? There is just something about men and mechanical stuff. Even if they don’t have a clue, they are fascinated. They love car shows or boat shows or any other kind of moving vehicle show.

When I was much younger all of the guys in my friend group had hot cars. I watched the movie “Dazed and Confused”, which was depicting the year when I was just finishing grade nine, and I though to myself, these are my people. The clothes, the music, the attitudes, the recreational drugs, the big outdoor parties and of course the cars. They were the muscle cars from the sixties and they were transformed. Big tires, jacked up in the back, new stereos, and motors that roared. Gosh I remember the brake stands, the smoking rubber. The guys grabbing the doors as the car started to move sideways. Drag racing on the north road late at night and stupidly during the day. We sometimes went to the city to race, the guys pulling off the muffler and pipes so you were running straight off the manifold. That was so loud. Gosh it was a lot of fun back then. Cruising main trying to find parties. Hitting the dusk to dawn drive-inns with a whole group of friends. As teens we lived in our cars and life was pure and free. Things have changed.

We started married life with a beater and a jacked Camaro with a four speed and a Hurst shifter. Wide tires with fender flares and the rear end jacked up. Okay with one kid but we became adults with a second child and ditched the old beater and bought a sedan. When kid number three came along we said goodbye to the Camaro and bought a mini van. We were officially old people. We followed our generation and in time bought an SUV, then another, then another and now I have the old SUV and the luxury car my hubby saved for for eight years. The truck has had its day. It was stolen a few months back but found, repaired and returned. Six days after I had it re-registered, a gal ran a stop sign and my truck is no more. I am fine but that old beast is not. The transmission was going in the car and it is twenty two years old and has served me well but I need something dependable, and a little better gas mileage wouldn’t hurt. It is time. And yet I can’t get rid of my hubby’s car. Its a sentimental thing.

Throughout the years I have fallen in love with different styles. I thought I wanted one of those new Chargers but it was just my nostalgia I think. Now I see them and all I think about is the lack of visibility. I really have gotten old. I love old jeeps and always thought it would be fun to have one of those. The problem is that the new ones are ridiculously expensive, and not cool. It is the old two seaters that I long for with the tops off and four wheeling on back roads. Again, might be a nostalgia thing. I also thought it would be great for camping but again, i have every kind of camp item I need that fits a back pack and a motor bike. So I’m not that person. My first car was a Volkswagen beetle and when the new ones came out I was so excited. Well that time has come and gone. They don’t make the new ones anymore now so that ship has sailed. Plus the one year I really loved, they are rare. So I have been procrastinating for a couple of years now about cars and suddenly I decided I better get my butt in gear before winter.

I found a car I loved and hummed and hawed. It was perfect. Well from a sentimental point of view. I went and saw it and it was just not practical. It was a summer car. Cute, red, a convertible and low miles. But it was a stick and little and I drive in the mountains all winter. They wanted a lot for it as well and it wasn’t hitting me in the heart. I did go look at some jeeps and the salesman was helpful. He actually talked me out of a jeep even though I don’t think he meant to. Another VolksWagon I liked had been in an accident and it concerned me. I drove a BMW as a rental when my truck was stolen and yet I have never liked BMW’s. In my mind they conjure up an image of a young white collar guy in his early thirties. It was a smaller SUV and I wanted a car. My most recent rental is a Subaru. Not gonna lie. I don’t love it. It is smaller than my SUV, lots of bells and whistles, yet the gas mileage sucks. No better than my old boat. I have always seen myself in an electric car no matter what the Albertan population says. It fit my ideology. And yet, I could never own a Tesla. First off, too many horror stories of rogue weird stuff. And secondly, Elon. That’s a whole other conversation but suffice to say, I can’t support someone so completely opposite my views. Turns out the only thing I really love are Toyota’s. Probably because that is all I have driven for the last 26 years. Two forerummers and two Lexus’s Or Lexi. Whatever. So, I made a decision. I got a new transmission in the car. I picked it up yesterday and took it out for a drive. It drove like a dream. It felt like home. It felt like my husband.

So, I still haven’t bought a car. Not sure if I will anytime soon. I have my son’s old 1996 GMC Sierra short box in the garage. It rums like a charm. Throw some cement blocks in the back for the winter and it gets you right through the snow and slush. I did own it until my son turned 16 many years ago. He has a toyota truck now but he can’t part with the GMC. I guess sentiment is strong in both of us. So I am set for the winter anyways. The car has winter tires which are required in BC. And I am feeling at peace now that I am not shopping. As I drive around on errands and such I look at all of the other vehicles and the people in them. I wonder to myself, do they love their cars? Everything seems so much newer that mine. I seldom see old beaters. But when I do I feel a bit of a kindred spirit feeling flow over me. My granddaughter was with me one day as I was heading down an on ramp to Deerfoot trail. I saw something in the rearview mirror and realized the spare tire from under the truck had come off. It was bouncing along behind me in a random jumbled pattern. Luckily there was little traffic. I pulled over immediately and watched in horror as an old van did his best to avoid the tire. But no, it bounced right into the side which redirected it in the grass at the side of the road. The few cars, drove past without incident and a young man got out of the van and retrieved the tire. He threw it in the back and drove it the short distance down the ramp to where we were breathing a sigh of relief. As he tossed it into the back of my truck we chatted a bit. I wanted to exchange insurance info and he just laughed. His philosophy was great. He reminded me that we are blessed to drive vehicles that have some life on them. We don’t get upset and fret over every little thing. Over the years, the dings and the rust just make it an old trusted friend that we can rely on.

So, I think I am going to drive my husbands old car for awhile longer. But first, I am going to get my girlfriend to clean and detail the old girl. After driving all of those newer vehicles I realize my husband would be appalled at how I am treating his special girl. The car I mean. She deserves better. I guess I’ve learned a great deal with my struggle over cars. There is the obvious, that there is a great difference between wants and needs. We all know that. There is the in securities we have deep down that we feel others might judge us. Fourty some years ago my brother in law wouldn’t let me park on his driveway with my beater. You know, oil leaks. He was a bit fastidious. He still rolls his eyes but after all this time he gets me. And lets me park on the driveway. But that’s not really it. There is a concept in most eastern religions of non attachment. To let go can lead us to a greater peace whether it is possessions or emotions or even relationships. It is a very difficult idea to put into practice. My husband had few possessions as a child. He always took great care of everything he owned. He suffered a great deal when something he valued was broken or stolen or even used by others. I didn’t understand at the time. I am not as emotional usually about things. Things, material possessions, weigh me down. So the attachment to the car seems odd. It’s a car. But I recently lost my husbands I Pod. I was devastated. Panicked. Crying. It is just an I Pod. I know now that what holds me back is the connection to a man I knew for over 45 years. His things. Now my things. I don’t need them. I am still connected to him even though his physical presence is gone. But for the time being, I am going to keep his car. Dad’s car. My car. Until it becomes “the” car. Then I will feel another level of detachment. And the peace it will bring.