What Is The Truth?

My morning newspaper perusal showed an ongoing saga of the USA Iran war of words. We are negotiating says one. Nope says the other. Yes they are. No we are not. And round and round we go. This scenario plays out daily regarding the conflict no one seems to want. Well, almost no one. The point is, what is the truth. Who do we believe. A middle eastern regime who we have been told for fifty years is corrupt and evil? Or an elderly senile man who is using his position as leader of a once respected country to garner favours in order to fill his own pockets. It is a tough call I guess, since we all know the truth is often a sliding scale. It varies as standards vary.

It is obvious to all who know me that I love to read. George Orwell spoke about truth in his books. Especially “1984”. One that is still relevant if not more pronounced is “The very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world.” This statement is more true today than it was in Orwell’s time. All around us is misinformation, distortion of truth and out and out lies. Social media has truly increased the amount of bullshit out there. But why do people do this? We seem to think people in power should be on the straight and narrow. That makes no sense. They need to lie and cover every misstep in order to stay in power. Even the most moral and honest man will fall from grace quickly if his errors are made public. And often the errors are embellished to make stories better. Gotta grab the attention of the common guy. But what about the little guy who has his little social media account and wants to increase his viewership. This means money in his pocket. The more viewers the more income. Now I don’t profess to have any idea how these things work. That is obvious as my own blog account is quite boring from what I can see. I type and post. I have no time to make it pretty or to use it for income or followers. I have opinions as do we all. I just don’t keep mine to myself. And I control the comments. It is great.

My husband grew up in an alcoholic home. I ended up in therapy trying to figure out what was going on with that family. So messed up. I ended up reading a book about Adult Children Of Alcoholics. By Janet Woititz. There was a list of traits she identified as common in someone growing up in this environment. One was that they lie even when there is no reason to. I think it is because they often lied in order to protect themselves from punishment. Or to protect the family’s image to the outside world. Well one of my husbands brothers fell into that category. He was the guy who had to out do your story. Years ago when Mercedes decided to come out with an SUV, I didn’t get the allure. But it was new. It was cool and unique and people wanted it. A co-worker of mine explained one day that her hubby had signed up for one. He had to put down a deposit to get on the list I guess and he wouldn’t get the vehicle for some months. To me it sounded like a typical “order a car” scenario only the wait time was a bit longer. When it was discussed at an in-law dinner, my brother in law had his own story to contribute. His friend also ordered one. But he had to pay the full cost of the car and the wait time was two years. I call bullshit. Now, just so you know this wasn’t a one off. He was an “ER” person. Everything you said or did… he said it or did it biggER or bettER. Get it? His claims went just a little too far. You know the point where you listen to someone and then suddenly they cross a line and you immediately get suspicious. In your head you think… Hmm. That didn’t happen. Over time we tend to dismiss these folks out of hand because they are just too well known for their bullshit. I understand why he did it. That first Psychologist explained it quite well why my in-laws did and said what they did and said. Protection. But when does self awareness come into play. The bottom line is, no one called him out on his embellishments and so he continued.

I often hear people say that they are following their own truth. Owning their truth. This is a big thing these days in the era of embracing who we are and refusing to follow societies rules. The self help era is all for this. Live your truth. It is an age old form of self awareness. Like my fave quote from the Bard, “To thine own self be true”. Kinda sums it up right? Yet our own truth is a completely subjective truth based on our own lived experiences. What I would call “real” truth is based on facts and information that can be proved. It is also somewhat defined by what is accepted by most. There is a really large gap between these truths. Basically our own truth is based on our interpretation of what is going on around us. How does it fit into the narrative we have created that call our own truth. If we look at the full quote from Shakespeare, we see it is the advice of a father to his son who is leaving to further his education in another country. Laertes is in a way going to Paris to find himself. To seek his own authentic self. His father Polonius urges him to remember not just who he is but how to hold his principles. How to retain his integrity. While the entire speech is full of advice, the part I love the best is this… “This above all: To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”. Its the last part that hits us right in the feels. Being true to oneself is not just about integrity but it is also about taking responsibility for our actions in the world. Treating others with respect.

Remember the movie A Few Good Men? Two marines are on trial for killing another marine in a hazing ritual gone wrong. Tom Cruise plays a Lawyer who is questioning a Colonel played by Jack Nicholson. The heated questioning ends with the Lawyer shouting “I want the truth”. To which the Colonel shouts back “You can’t handle the truth!” That line has become an iconic quote. What followed was the Colonels explanation. But the entire movie is really about morals and whether we are accountable for our actions if we bow down to authority. Where does the responsibility lie. Do we shrug off consequences of our own acts in a warlike situation? Or even in armed forces where orders are followed no matter what. All of the arguments made in the movie may seem valid to someone deeply entrenched in that mindset. But where does an individual stand when his own moral compass is crossed. Where does his personal integrity come into affect.

In my own life I do not live my truth or follow my truth as if it is carved in stone. I see living truth as looking inside myself and truly trying to understand who I am and what brought me to this place. I want to be the most authentic me that I can be. I don’t want to compromise my integrity or give credence to what I see as false narratives. I am having a hard time finding my way through the quagmire of the rapidly changing societal norms. So often it seems the world has gone from caring for society to caring for just the individual. Me me me! The world cannot exist or evolve in a positive way if this is the trajectory. And I know it is hard. I have been burned out lately due to the demands on my time. It is hard to say no because I do want to help others. I do care about people. I hate to see the injustices of the world and yet the reality is, you can’t save everyone. As I take a sojourn into solitude to reevaluate my world, and I am sad. My feelings come from the realization that my inner circle is overflowing with many people who only call when they need my help. No offers of coffee or a quick lunch. Let’s catch up on life. The people who want my help are busy. Busy, busy, busy. Yet I seem to be on the top of their call list. When they want something. As a result I have taken some time to see where I go from here. I am not angry or mad or pushing people out of my life. I don’t have to. I can just say no. They will either stay or go. Their choice. This look into my inner life is a part of living my truth.

If you are trying to live your truth or find your authentic self, I would urge caution. It is a very short walk from self evaluation to entitlement. Looking within is about examining your values. Understanding the journey through your life. What brought you to this point. Listen to the little voice in your head. It is your conscience and it is there to guide you. Revisiting our own wrongs in our past can be very scary. It isn’t part of human nature to accept that we are wrong. In every human interaction that goes south, neither party is innocent. We don’t live in a vacuum. Life is not static. It is ever changing and evolving. We don’t have to go along with everything although it is good to examine our personal misgivings. And these come from inside. Not social media or friends and family. They give what is their opinion based on their lived experiences. Their “Truth!” If living your truth is about forcing others to bow down to your way of living, that isn’t authenticity. It is narcissism.