I Have The Lead Role In A Movie

Gotcha. It is the movie about me. I live this role everyday of my life. Some of you play major roles in this movie, some are very minor and of course there are you guys who are oblivious to my very existence. Never heard of my movie which is most of the world. I play the main character but I am super talented so I am the screenwriter, the makeup artist, the set designer, and wardrobe gal. I am even Best Boy although I have no idea what that is. These are just a few of my roles. From the day I was born I was in this movie. Sometimes its a drama. Often a comedy. It changes. And it has been in rewrite mode for sixty years.

The thing is, I have control over how this whole thing plays out. Oh there are some players who don’t how to perform their roles how I would like. They are rogue geniuses I guess going off script when it suits them. There are times I think I may just write them out of the entire script. And yet so many of these supporting characters are dear to me. I like them. I can’t seem to control their interpretation of their role but I let them roll with it. See where it goes. Sometimes they put a whole new spin on things and my movie is better because of them. Ultimately it is my movie and if I don’t like how things are going it is up to me to do something about. There is no one to blame but ourselves in this movie of life.

That being said there are things that are completely out of our control. We are all born perfect in Gods eyes but we are not all given earn equal share of the bounty. There are obstacles placed in front of some while others seem to coast through life without a care in the world. But you know something, that is where we make our mistakes. We develop an idea of what is good bad or otherwise based on our experiences and interactions with others and then apply these things in our judgements of the world around us. I am not talking about the petty bullshit judgments. I am talking about serious things. We see a small child born with only one arm. We are so sad. It isn’t fair. If it is your child your cry. Why? But our feelings arise from our own life. We feel bad because we couldn’t imagine how our life would be if this happened to us. I know that is a little like empathy and a healthy dose now and again goes along way towards treating another person with compassion. However, this child is in control of what happens next. They are the lead character. Perhaps their parents are overprotective and chose to shield the child from failure. Or shunning. Or pitying glances. Perhaps they treat the child like nothing is wrong and encourage the child to find a way to compensate. The people around the child will influence how the child choses to live. Frankly though the child doesn’t have to accept the role others place on them. It is tough I know. But throughout life we make choices based on what we were taught. But we don’t have to agree with what we are taught. In time as we age and are exposed to alternative viewpoints and ideas we have the ability to chose. Here is where we take back our power. We can take control. It is up to us to decide whether we are going to believe what others tell us or not. Even if we love another person deeply, they are still just a supporting character in our life movie. And we play that same role in theirs.

We have all heard the saying that there are three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the real story. The hardest commandment to keep is “Thou shalt not lie”. We do it so often we don’t even know we are doing it. Any interaction between two people is perceived differently by the individuals involved. We remember the things that happened that support our views or cause or attitude. Anything that makes us look good while the other person looks bad. We are right and they are wrong. Even when we think back to the parents of the child who only has one arm. It doesn’t matter what they do. We judge them. We would do it differently. And our minds judge them immediately because they didn’t chose our path. Even as we are feeling sorry for them, we think… We judge them. Ultimately we need to sway people to our way because we need to fit in. Be liked. Be part of a group or crowd. Acceptance. Think about it, when we make a comment and people around us agree, we like them more. But do they like us? And what does it do to us inside if we are those agreeable people? Do we sometimes sacrifice our integrity because we are unable to call someone out? Do we go along in order to fit in? A girl I know told me she thought I was the only person she knew who voted Liberal. I told her she knew lots of people who voted liberal. They just didn’t tell her.

When we are afraid of others because we don’t agree with them we suffer. We become victims. We start to question so many things, Things that aren’t even real. We also feel conflicted in our hearts. Which causes us to berate ourselves. It becomes a habit to second guess ourselves if we spend our lives wondering what others think of us. We don’t feel good inside but we aren’t sure why. We blame the world around us but if we take a close look at our actions we find we are choosing to be go along people. We don’t have to agree with anyone. Or anything. We don’t have to have an opinion about every little thing. We don’t have to care. After golf last week the ladies were talking about a recent tournament. It was a two man team best ball format. The teams could be two men, two women or a man and a woman. There weren’t enough of the mixed groups so the mixed teams were placed in the division with the women’s teams. In other words a man and a woman were pitted against two women. The discussion was whether or not it was fair. When I was asked what I thought, I replied that I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the tournament, it didn’t affect my life. Whatever. By the way… That is my new favourite word. Whatever! But it didn’t stop there. People needed me to take a side. A stance. This goes back to the “if you’re not for me you’re against me” thing. There were so many people up in arms about it that they needed us all to be up in arms. Oh the horror of it all. Pitting a woman and a so superior man against two feeble and obviously inferior females. If that’s the reasoning it is pathetic. Didn’t it occur to anyone the incredible pressure the men were under in this situation? Being beaten by two girls? After all, what would all of the other men think? This hurts my head just recalling the conversation. I just went home. Even as I mulled it over in the car I couldn’t come up with an opinion. Frankly because I just don’t care. Not caring is very freeing. Lots of brain space is freed up for more important things when we don’t have to care. Or agree. Or worry about others.

I am not saying we shouldn’t feel strongly about things. What I am suggesting is that we pick and chose what soapbox we are going to stand on. After all we are the ones who have to live with ourselves. We are our worst critics. And we see everything that we do. We know our own hearts even if we sometimes lie to others. But it is so hard to lie to ourselves. Mind you, narcissists are quite good at it. If we want life to slow down and calm down we first need to start watching where we are going. Step by step we need to chart our life. Get to know ourselves. Step back from social media where advertisers seek to manipulate and influence us. Anger and moral outrage are incredible motivators. As is fear. Fear of rejection and fear of failure. But if you write your own script, you also write the rules for everything. How can you fail in your heart if you are the judge and jury. I have been very blessed in my life. Where I was born, the parents I had, the mental and physical attributes I was born with. My colour. All out of my control but in every way contributing to my success in life. The day I was born had me batting close to one thousand. After that my choices certainly had a great impact.

My movie currently has me floundering. I have the opposite of writers block. I am running here and there with no clear plan. I rewrite constantly but never finish the rewrite. I don’t toss it but I file it away unfinished. The file cabinet is overflowing. I am however studying the current cast of characters. I know every movie has at least one antagonist but my analysis of the synopsis has revealed and excessive amount of those character types. So with red pen in hand I am going through all of the rewrites I have retrieved from the files. I’m not sure of the ending of this movie but I am sure that the epilogue will be an incredible adventure.

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