I Don’t Want To Be A Christian… They Make Me Look Bad

This was a statement my youngest daughter Drew made some years ago. And you know something, I completely get it. It is hard not to see how some Christians hide behind their lily-white Christian veneer, which covers their somewhat non Christian hearts. All Christians are not built alike. That is true of every religion, but it is also true of every group of individuals who share some similar values. Groups are made up of individuals who are brought together through some cause or ideal. Yet their backgrounds and upbringings are very diverse. As such, they bring a wide variety of experiences, views, and of course prejudices. I was raised as a Lutheran. due to Danish roots. Denmark borders Germany which was the home of Martin Luther. As he started his push back against the Roman Catholic church, the surrounding Scandinavian countries followed suit and in time the followers came to be known as Lutherans. Proximity of course, yet if he had not been a big part of the reformation, we would have probably still been Catholic today. Christian is the religion. Catholic and Lutheran are denominations under the Christian umbrella, As are The United Church, Anglicans, Baptist, etc.

As a result of my upbringing, I of course followed my parents and raised my kids in the Lutheran church. My oldest daughter once complained to me that she was tired of school friends who had become born-again Christians and were constantly preaching at her. As she remarked, “They may have found God but I never knew he was missing.” I think the biggest problem she had was that a few of these gals had made fun of her religious background in their younger years. My first up close and personal experience with a born again gal was at work. A friend of mine was a Director at a company and an accounts payable clerk had walked off the job. I was off work having had a baby and my friend called and asked if I could fill in while they looked for a replacement. My background was Computer science and systems analysis but I had taken quite a few accounting classes. I argued that I wasn’t really qualified and I was told “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.” And I did. I wore many hats in that company and it was a wonderful real time insight into a world I didn’t know. However the Accounting supervisor hated me on sight. She didn’t like that I was brought in without any input from her. Never mind that I stepped into a job where there was no training and kept it going until they could hire someone. I also took over payroll after another walk-off. My forte is streamlining and system conversions and I brought that to the company. But she hated me and made my life miserable. She was just mean. Always.

Now I eventually learned about her past. Arrests for drugs, multiple marriages, alcoholism. Eventually she found God and changed her life around. Kudo’s to her. But it was very apparent that her Christianity stopped at the church door. I went home crying often as she made it her mission to make me look bad. It didn’t work of course but it was stressful to be around her and there many conflicts. One day my husband brought home a card he had made. On the front was a picture of hands folded in prayer. The caption underneath read “Jesus loves you.” Inside was written “Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.” He wanted me to give it to her but I just kept it in my desk drawer and took it out now and again when I needed a lift. It seemed to me that she found Christianity to be her get out of jail free card. A sort of label that justified her behaviour. She wore her Christianity like a badge of honour, she felt better than everyone else. Guess no one really taught her the most important Christian tenets. God’s message to Moses was to love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. That was old testament. Later Jesus taught to love our neighbours as ourselves. New testament. But maybe she was too busy to read the bible. Being mean.

My younger daughter has people in her life who are born again’s. I don’t they realize the influence they have had on my daughter. Over time she has moved away from Christianity and her studies and exposure to the religious right have soured her to the point that she is now an atheist. It was not a band wagon jump for her. Rather it was a journey of contemplation. education and soul searching which led her to this point. It wasn’t fast and I watched the transformation move slowly over time. I have people in my life who are very concerned about her journey and tell me all the time they will pray for return to the fold. Their words not mine. They feel the need to comfort me. What they don’t understand is that I support her. She is an adult, not a child. She makes informed decisions in her own life. And I am very proud of the person she has become. She is passionate about people and justice and cares deeply for those who are thrust aside by society. In fact she lives a more Christian life than the people who fear for her soul. I taught my children as I was taught. Not just Christian values and lessons. But every day values that my parents held. But as my father said, we are done raising our children when they are quite young. Ten or twelve years old. Society then creeps in. We have to trust that our kids will take what we taught them and go out and try and make a better world. My daughter does that every day. It is sad for her to watch friends embrace a right-wing form of Christianity.

I have a few tightly wound Christian friends who have no idea that the anger, sadness and fear in their lives is really due to their judgmental attitudes. One called me crying because she was so sad that she hated Justin Trudeau so much. She felt it was unchristian yet she couldn’t stop her hatred. When she asked what I thought I told her to bring it to God. I couldn’t help her. I have friends who don’t want the Government to fund social programs. I never understood it until the day I had that aha moment. They want help to come from private individuals because the government will help anyone who needs it. These friends want to be judge and jury. In their eyes, some people don’t deserve help. It is about control. They don’t want their tax dollars going to someone they feel is unworthy. That is a pretty God-like attitude to say the least. A close friend is so bothered that she has trouble at work and in social settings when all she wants to do is convert people to Christianity. She wants others to know God. What she doesn’t understand is that it is all in the delivery. All of our conversations end the same way. She asks for advice and I tell her to stop preaching. Lead a good and kind life. One that brings her joy. Others will see the joy and kindness and perhaps that will lead them to God. Or not. Frankly, the preachy types are such a turn off.

I have had my own trials as I aged. Questions have arisen at many stages of my life. One such period was in my early twenties when a friend shared a book that explained a lot of the bible as alien interference. That was mind blowing 45 years ago. Now it seems sort of plausible. I am not who I was last year, let alone 40 years ago. We all evolve in time. Well hopefully we do. My husband used to say I became a different person every three years. Not really, but he was right in some ways. The older I got, the more I learned and the smarter I became in some areas. I dropped what didn’t serve my ever changing narrative and added what seemed right at the time. I do still consider myself a Christian. All that means is that I believe Jesus is the son of God. That is it. That is the entire definition of Christianity. It isn’t something that I can stop believing. There is something much greater than us out there in the cosmos. I for one chose to call it God.

Years ago I met a young clothing designer named Tonya Debellis. One of her lines was named “Nothing But Footprints”. It is a take on life and the world and the impact we make on our environment. While it was geared more to a lifestyle of environmental preservation I believe, we can also chose to leave the world a better place emotionally. I do struggle often with judgmental feelings. Although I signed out of Instagram a year ago, I receive emails suggesting people I should follow. Many are some I am completely against and I wonder why they are recommended. Things like ICE from the States. Or The Vice President of the States. Or People like Charlie Kirk or Candace Owens. Or even here at home, Alberta separatists or the current Premier of Alberta. These are not accounts I would ever follow. Nor do I in any way support their ideals or actions. Far from it. But when I look at the people following these accounts, I realize some are acquaintances or relatives. I struggle with it. The relatives, I try and overlook. The acquaintances, I distance myself from. I judge quickly and I know it is wrong. But you know what, in the big scheme of things I have a lot of faults. Judgment isn’t even in the top 10 so I will try and get to it one day. Maybe.

I learn a great deal from the Atheist I gave birth to. She can be very outspoken and passionate but she respects my beliefs. When her daughter asked to go to confirmation classes Drew agreed. Because she started her kids on a Christian path and she respects her own child’s choices. And you know something, I have spent my whole life hearing people say they don’t believe in organized religion. They just believe in being a good person. Well Drew is living proof of their views. She is one of the best people I know. And for the friends out there who are praying for her? Thank you. But maybe, take a lesson from her playbook and start praying that God can help you to be more like Drew. You may need the prayers more than she does.