I was driving home from the cabin last week. It is a drive I have made thousands of times over the last 20 years. There is a minor highway that is 104 km’s where there is no cell reception. The road is two lanes and meanders through the mountain terrain. There are the usual warning signs of wildlife on the road, but the most dangerous creature is actually those driving the cars. The speed limit fluctuates between 60kph and 90kph. However no one seems to obey the signs. There are tourists who spend more time pressing on the brakes than the gas and there are the speed demons who need to get there before anyone else. FYI, once you get near the end of the 104 km, traffic slows so much that the fast guys get very little advantage. There are two passing lanes in each direction but it seems that the slow guys find their gas pedal at those spots. It can be a frustrating drive.
Now I do tend to drive too fast but for me the important thing is cruise control. I hate when I have to tap the brake to cut the cruise control. I struggle when I am following a car that slows to 70 on a curve and speeds up to 110 on the straightaway. Just pick a speed. And if the curves scare you, let someone else drive. Now I have driven at different times of the day, different days of the week and any number of speeds. Well last week, I finally found the answer to my frustration. First never go to the cabin on Friday and never return home on Sunday. Secondly, lunch time is always the best time going in either direction You miss the people who wait until after work but also the keeners who leave early to beat the rush. They are the rush. Finally, the speed you drive is most important. 130 kph is 40 over the limit and your car will be impounded in BC if you are clocked that fast. Going 90 or less is a sign of people new to the road. Those guys usually have ten to twenty cars lined up behind them all jockeying for position in order to pass. That’s always a dangerous proposition due to the winding nature of the road. I found on this last trip that 102 to 106 is the perfect speed. You seldom need to pass anyone and you are slow enough that the few speedsters can pass with ease. I finally found my sweet spot to ensure a calm and peaceful drive to my calm and peaceful place.
In life we are always searching for the sweet spot. The point when everything falls into place and all the planets seem to line up. As a golfer I know when I hit the ball on the sweet spot of the club. The feel, the sound and the final shot just feel right. True athletes, are no different. Always refining and searching for the ultimate edge. I remember when I was young first investing in the stock market. There was always the fear of missing the ultimate high to sell or the low to buy. It was always a sliding scale. When do you make your move. Well I am here to tell you, there is no magic 8-ball in that scenario. While things may work out in the long run, seldom do we hit that perfect buy or sell. But the truth is, the sweet spot isn’t about the highest sell or lowest buy. It is about comfort in making enough. Doing well if perhaps not the best. In the stock market the truth is nobody rings a bell at the top. Sometimes it is important to remember to leave a little on the table for the next guy. That in itself is the sweet spot. Most of us want security, but at what cost.
When we are young our choices both predict where we will end up but also what we are willing to sacrifice to get there. Going to a High School reunion can give you a glimpse into how things worked out. Often it isn’t at all how you predict. Oddly enough the brainiest hardworking students don’t all become top in their fields. The inverse is also true in many cases. The partying slacker’s sometimes fair pretty well. As in sports, the sweet spot is about getting the absolute best outcome with what seems like the minimum effort. Not because we put in the minimum effort but rather because for some reason it all seems to be coming together and the effort feels minimal. A couple of weeks ago I shot an 89 while golfing. Everything was working well. I wasn’t duffing shots and my putts were pretty good. The game was calm and enjoyable and it was a beautiful day. Two days later I shot 96. It seemed like nothing was going well. I am at the age where I take what I can get. I am older and my shots don’t go as far. But I am disappointed sometimes. Until I put it into perspective. It was only 7 more shots. It was a cooler day and play was slow. I can’t blame the variables, I blame my attitude. First off the good game leads you to believe you are always that good. A less good game makes you want to fix things. But anxiety and frustration often make things go from bad to worse.
I have become the golfer that recognizes early on what kind of game it is going to be. And so I now tend to lean into it. If the first couple of holes suck I start to practice the stupid shots. I don’t play it safe. I don’t lay up when that would be prudent. I go for the green even when there is nothing in my history that shows I will make it. This translates into life. There are days we get up and things just are out of sync. But we plow ahead because we have things to do. My friend is busy getting her house ready to sell. She is working so hard to make it perfect. Obviously we want to get as much money as we can when we sell our homes. But she has gone overboard and physically hurt herself by doing too much. As a result she has been sidelined for 6 weeks. Pulled muscles now translate into costly physio and tons of rest. The work has slowed and the house sale is being pushed back. Sometimes life has a way of forcing us to slow down. It is best if we can recognize the signs that we need to change course. It is a feeling of power when we feel we are making the decisions rather than running around in circles fighting against the world. Making a list is how some people do things. I am good at lists. I still have one on the wall that I made four years ago because there is one thing not crossed off. So to rephrase that, I am good at making lists, just not so good at doing the things on the list.
I think the secret to finding the sweet spot in life is to let go sometimes. Get up in the morning, test which way the wind is blowing and then decide what to do. When I first retired, my husband would get up and get ready for work. Just before he left he would bring me a cup of coffee, kiss me good-bye and ask what I was going to do that day. I would usually answer, “I will figure that out after I get up”. For the most part fighting against things that are out of our control can just cause too much anxiety. Swimming upstream is tough but after a heavy rain or with big snow melts, the task is near impossible. There are days when we are weaker both physically, mentally or emotionally. Those are the days we need to rethink the day. While plowing through might get things done, at what cost? The bottom line is that the pressure we feel in our lives is often blamed on things outside of our control. The reality is we put more pressure on ourselves. We decide how things are going to go and nothing will stand in our way. That isn’t good for us but it isn’t good for anyone around us.
Don’t get me wrong , I am not advocating that we spend our lives taking the path of least resistance. That can sometimes become a habit that reinforces the human tendency to be lazy. If we constantly quit because things get too hard, well frankly we will never get anywhere in life. There is a time and a place for deciding when to put in maximal effort as well as when to coast. Take a breather. This my friends is your sweet spot. It is learning when to jump into the river and let it float you down stream. But it is also about knowing there are times when we need to fight the current and swim upstream. More importantly it is about finding the right way to do it with the least amount of effort.. It is about working smarted not harder. Look for the safer routes, the slower moving areas of water, the overhanging branches we can grab to rest before continuing our journey. I have learned that I am so much smarter than I used to be. But I am also more content and at peace. I feel the way I did in my teens and early twenties. Not because of the lessons I learned but in spite of them. Being young and idealistic was a state of mind. Finding the sweet spot in life is also a state of mind. There is a time to relax and breathe and a time to give it your all. At the end of both you should still feel the same. That is when you will have found your sweet spot in life. Because the truth is, very little truly matters in this world if we can’t find contentment. All else falls into place when life seems easy even if it isn’t.
